I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
