I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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