At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
