After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
