I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
