my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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