i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
