The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
