using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
