Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
