We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
