Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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