spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
