if i can run in heels then i can drive
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
