We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
