dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
