What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
