And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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