i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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