I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
These tits shall not be calmed
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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