Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
