Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
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he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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