Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
