I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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