you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
