Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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