"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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