Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
