she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
