Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
