Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize