I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
