miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
ok first of all what the fuck
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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