I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
