are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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