The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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