So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
