She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
