life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
