I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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