just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
