New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
