I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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