he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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