Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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