I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
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It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
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This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
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