i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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