Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
