took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
