i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
