Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
