He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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