The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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