So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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