Say something about gay babies.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
