Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
