U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
