I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
