I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
