I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
