Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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