i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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