Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
