If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
