update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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