Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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