It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
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Is it penis luge time yet?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
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"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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