he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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